What a day so far

It's been kinda rough cause I didn't get much sleep last night. Stayed up late arguing, as usual. That's going to change when I go off to college at least (: Hopefully by then I'll have this whole love triangle thing sorted out. But anyways, had to wake up early to take my shower. So I'm running pretty low on energy, though I'll get hyped up later (; But I messed things up with a friend. We had made plans to go to a dance, but I honestly didn't want to go. I went because I didn't have anything else to do and I told her so. But as the dance got closer and closer, my anxiety about it increased. I knew I wasn't going to have any fun there. So I told her some other plans from before and come up and I really wasn't interested in going. I know that's kind of low. I know I could have handled it better. I do feel really bad. I asked for her forgiveness and she hasn't replied. I understand her point too about me canceling last minute, but I wish she would understand. It's not my forte. Urgh. And then another friend of mine was giving me crap over the stupidest littlest things. I don't know. It just feels like everyone was out to get me an hour or so ago. Things have calmed down and everything, but now I have a headache. Blech! I hope it goes away soon and I'll have a fun night at least without this stress.

So much...

for blogging a lot.
Oh well. Better late than never.
A lot has changed. A LOT.
Well I'm basically addicted to my guy friends. I would be lost without them (:
Austin keeps me sane. I got to catch up with him over spring break. It was nice. Just to get to talk about college and jobs and books. He has such a kind soul. Tom and I were going to hang out, but that never worked out. That one boy and I have been fighting a lot. It's been rough. I care a lot about him, but it's honestly killing me. I can't handle all the stress and anxiety is causes. It's gotten to the point that I kind of am getting sick of talking to him so much. I don't know. I love him. I always will. He's my best friend. It's just...I have to take care of myself. I have to. And well Jonah (: Uhm, we're grown a lot closer. Like really super dooper close. I don't know what I'd do without him. We talk everyday, a lot of it. He calls me everynight before we go to bed. Just to talk. And we hang out a lot. I love hanging out with him even when we have nothing to do or when what we do I really don't like. I just love being around him. It's like home. But I just have some flaws with him that are keeping me from making it official. And well, I don't think I'm in a good emotional state right now. I don't want my burdens to become his. But he's an amazing guy. He gave me the most adorable card telling me how happy he is that I'm in his life and that he loves me. I write him cute little notes that almost make him cry..almost (; I can't tell you how many times I've cried in front of this kid. Seriously. I love him. I may regret writing this at some point. But I do. I love him. I love being around him. I love the person he is. I just love everything...well almost everything...about him. He pushes me to be a better person. I know a lot of the times it drives me crazy, but oh well. I know he just means well. I have a lot of insecurities to work through. I have a lot of self-help that I need.
But college is looking great. I'm going to dorm with Lydia and two other girls. Woot woot! I'm excited. I can't wait. Though, I really am going to miss Jonah. We'll how that all goes. But I have to follow this path. And if I'm supposed to be with Jonah, then it'll work out. Karen and I are better. We worked things out. I'm just so busy all the time for her.
And well, my faith is falling apart. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm too ashamed to admit it to any of my Christain friends either.
Spring break was awesome. Had some amazing nights (; Got pulled over but the cop let me off with a warning. Thank God!
And now back to school tomorrow : P

Hello!

It's been quite a while.
My bad!
I'm going to try to get back into blogging. I miss it. I miss writing in general. Well, I'm almost done with high school. Less than 100 days! Double woot! It's been an interesting year. It's been full of a variety of challenges and inner changes I wasn't expecting.
Anyways, stayed home sick. I'm hoping to feel better by tomorrow because I have some plans. I get to see my bud, Jonah, hopefully ( : I miss that kid. And I'm still worried about Derek. He won't tell me about what's going on, at all. Which just leaves my imagination up to its crafty work. All I can do is pray for God to heal him. He really is too young. He has such spirit left in him and I can see him going really far in life chasing his dreams.
I feel like my mind is exploading with all this stuff going on. McKayla is pregnant again with little
Deegan, but there's complications. Sarah is going through tough times like usual, but I can't seem to get through to her. Karen and I have drifted apart and I can't be the friend she needs anymore. \
But it's not all bad ( :
I have Jonah now. And seriously, he keeps me on track. I don't know what I'd do without him. Austin is also a great motivator of mine. I love how he and I got out to lunch at least once a week and just talk. It's great. Tyler is always there too. Whether is be for some friendly venting or just filling time. McKayla of course is always there, but her life is just so hectic. I miss her dearly, but I know God has some amazing plans in store for her (: And of course I've got Jake. My rock, my foundation. My everything practically. I don't know where I'd be without him. We talk everyday, all day long. I fall asleep to him. He's my light at the end of the tunnel. My hope! And well, Lydia. She's practically my sister now it feels like. Since I've lost almost all connections with my old close girl friends, she's all I've got left. And I absolutely adore her. She's so real and down to earth. She inspires me to be a better person, a better Christian.
It's crazy how my friends have changed from last year. But I just know that that's all in God's will.
I trust his plans for me (: